Balance - does it exist?

I used to think it was important to balance a career, marriage, motherhood, etc.  I've learned that I don't really attain balance in any the typical sense of the word.  But as I journey through life, I have learned to accept resign myself to embrace the season I'm in...  I'm not sure I'll ever have my house as clean as my mom did, nor will I be the room mom in my children's classrooms - although I'm always willing to help.  I don't want to grow my part-time business because it's more important to me to be involved with my children and family right now.  So, for me, that's balance.  Actually, I don't care about balance - I'm more interested in being the best I can be.  At this moment.  Until the next moment.  But if I'm content (and have prayerfully discern this phase), and my family is loved and not tearing one another to pieces happy, then that works for me.

What does balance mean to you?

It's Not Always Christmas As Usual...

I was reading a blog today - Life as Mom, and I found this post to be of particular interest.  I'm pretty familiar with loss.  When I was 29 and newly pregnant with our first child, my mom lost a battle with cancer and went home to the Lord.  Five years later, my oldest brother died suddenly at age 45.  He'd never even met my son.  Two years later, my other brother died at age 46.   I'm grateful that we did make tive to travel and visit each other regularly - or as regularly as you can living 1000 miles away.

So, for me, there've been many years where things weren't just 'business as usual.'  Although, I must admit, I did my best to pretend everything was fine.  After all - their suffering is over, and they're dancing with Jesus.  And yes, I believe that whole-heartedly, but I didn't allow myself to grieve properly...to miss them openly...to cry freely when the moment struck me...or to reach out to friends.  I just moved forward - onward.

I would like to think I'm wiser now and have experienced more profound loss, and even now I'm praying for my dear step mom as she battles cancer (Aside: The Lord brought my Dad a wonderful new wife/best friend shortly after Mom went to Heaven) . She's the only (maternal) grandmother my kids have known, and she's been a wonderful example of motherhood to me.  But this time, I'm able to cope in a more emotionally mature way...to do a better job of sharing my feelings with my family and friends (or at least that's the plan).  Although, I still don't cry at all, publicly, freely, I at least try to 'squish it down' less. :-)  Hey, we're always learning, right?  And so I continue to journey onward...