It's Not Always Christmas As Usual...

I was reading a blog today - Life as Mom, and I found this post to be of particular interest.  I'm pretty familiar with loss.  When I was 29 and newly pregnant with our first child, my mom lost a battle with cancer and went home to the Lord.  Five years later, my oldest brother died suddenly at age 45.  He'd never even met my son.  Two years later, my other brother died at age 46.   I'm grateful that we did make tive to travel and visit each other regularly - or as regularly as you can living 1000 miles away.

So, for me, there've been many years where things weren't just 'business as usual.'  Although, I must admit, I did my best to pretend everything was fine.  After all - their suffering is over, and they're dancing with Jesus.  And yes, I believe that whole-heartedly, but I didn't allow myself to grieve properly...to miss them openly...to cry freely when the moment struck me...or to reach out to friends.  I just moved forward - onward.

I would like to think I'm wiser now and have experienced more profound loss, and even now I'm praying for my dear step mom as she battles cancer (Aside: The Lord brought my Dad a wonderful new wife/best friend shortly after Mom went to Heaven) . She's the only (maternal) grandmother my kids have known, and she's been a wonderful example of motherhood to me.  But this time, I'm able to cope in a more emotionally mature way...to do a better job of sharing my feelings with my family and friends (or at least that's the plan).  Although, I still don't cry at all, publicly, freely, I at least try to 'squish it down' less. :-)  Hey, we're always learning, right?  And so I continue to journey onward...